How to say NO!

Do you hesitate in saying NO?

So tell me, when someone really close asked you to  do something you never wanted to do, what did you do ?  Could you say – NO?

Hmmm, most of you would think of it and agree that saying NO is one tough  choice to make. No matter how much your mind is shouting a loud – NO, you lips end up saying – YES!

Today, we shall talk on how to say NO, when you don’t want to say Yes!

We all say that we must learn to say no. But how? What are the secrets to say no?

Lets see.

Since our childhood, we have rarely been taught how to say No.  We have been taught to be a good nice person who always says Yes…

Saying NO is something we have been left to learn ourselves. And did we really learn it well? Guess Not! We tried many hit and trial methods but ended up either saying yes, or a rude No.

So is there a way to gracefully handle this?  Well, Lets explore together.

Are you with me on this?

Ok Good…

I shall start with an example where I learnt my first lesson on this quest.

This was a time when one of my closest friends, and I, were working on a project together, and I really wanted her to help me with some sections.  As it turned out, she had to go to a date with her someone special .

I asked her- Can you possibly help me today evening?

She said – I would really like to be here helping you, but I already have set a date for myself.  Now I know that you can very well manage the project yourself. I really want to go to my date because he is going to be out of the city for two weeks. So, I hope you would not mind my not being here.  I am sure you would be fine.

And she smiled 🙂

I was zapped. She, said a NO, in such an honest and elegant way. I had no choice but to say – yes.

From here I learned how to say NO, without the guilt. I started learning more by observing people. I shall state some points that I learned.

One- Judge the consequences of saying No, before you say it.

Saying YES may help you resolve situations, and increase your self esteem, but it cannot be a strategy you can always adopt. Som make sure you are saying NO for the right reasons. Simply saying no as a part of a habit will only spoil your relationships.

Two – Be Honest.

When people do not know how to say no, they use excuses.  Typically, – Not tonight dear, I have a headache…. is a usual example.  Tell the truth, without being blunt. Show self respect and enhance your self esteem.  Excuses, instead of truth will not take you far.

Three- Use the word – Because

Give a reason, and use Because. When you offer reasons, its likely that the other person understands. Linguists and psychologists have observed and when your hear the word – Because, the subconscious mind accepts it as a valid reason.

Four – Offer an alternative

If you cannot say yes to a situation, and you have a tangible suggestion of an alterative, give it.  For example, when someone asks you if you can go with him for coffee, and you don’t want to go, offer a choice, Say, you may take her instead.. J Be smart…  I am giving you very simple examples, but you can resolve real tough situations using these.

Five – Use law of reciprocity.

Finally, one of the most hilarious method, though a little risky,  is the law of reciprocity.  You can use this for people, to whom you have to often say no.

For example, Lets say someone wants to borrow money or something from you every time he needs it, you could say, No, btw, can you walk my dog today?

I mean, make sure you make a request, that would get a NO as the answer.  Just beware, don’t ask a question that a person can say yes to, or else, you would be back to square one..

Cool tips.. aren’t they ?

Ok Lets sum them up quickly.

1)   Think before you say no. Judge the consequences and then decide to say No.

2)   Be Honest.

3)   Use Because

4)   Offer an Alternative

5)   And finally – the law of reciprocity. Ask him to walk the dog 😉

And see how you would simplify your life by learning to say NO.

 

2 Comments

  1. It’s simply a wow n amazing write up on how to say no and that too graciously without hurting someone. Thank you for a sharing of this beautiful post. Thumbs up for the post n the grace of your words.

  2. Hey Ashish …. a simple and yet great write up !!

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